What’s life of mine? (Mixed Grammar)

Silly… Everyday I saw the same road, the same building, same taxi, and same work. Every time I heard the same story… story of mine about broken heart… story of people about marriage or birth. Every week I watched movie in the same cinema, all were about love… all about crying… but most of them end up happy.

Silly… Every time I met people, they always remembered my name but sometimes I just didn’t… In some average time I met man, most of them said I’m pretty… I’m lovely… I’m smart… I’m wonderful… but just that and they disappeared one by one. Dating for me was just like the wind, passed through even when it maybe didn’t start yet. In some seldom time I met really interesting man, but most of them have girl friend, wife, or too many girl friends. Once I met a man, too lovely, too patient, too perfect but just he is too old. So… this is pretty woman love life like what they said.

Silly… I laughed in front of them till one of them ever asks “did you ever cry?” I walked around and traveled till they said “you are so lucky to have all of this”. But I stand up in front of this mirror, tears in my cheek. I hide my self under my bedcover and those tears just drop like hell. I sat down with iPod in my ear, slow music played and one by one tear dropped from my eyes. So I walked around, see what world have so I could forget this tears that always want to be dropped.

Silly… I learned in the top school, everybody said I’m the best. They even put my education history in newspaper when I got best score in that province. But today I feel know nothing… lots people out there much much better than me. Now I realize that my score just only because of book that I read everyday frequently. I don’t have intelligent was like what they said about being the best.

Silly… I’m a talker but too introvert about my own personal life. I can’t tell story to someone even somebody that I knew since 10 years and people called her my best friend. Some other time when she didn’t understand, she always mad at me because I told her nothing about my life. So… no many friends of mine that maybe truly understand who I am. In some time, I met several friends… friends to hang around. Some of them are travelers; some of them are bitches and clubbers. That’s time was in the first time I knew how night club life is. Where woman could kiss every man she met, then maybe went to the man’s home with only 10 minutes conversation just only for fun. Or when they got drunk or throw up in the middle of dance floor. Or even their job hangs around in every night clubs to get money by sell their body. Ugly… that time I realized that this world is just so messed up. And I just sat down in the corner watching them. Or I moved my body alone enjoy the music that always makes me crazy.

Silly… I grown up in village but I feel I don’t want to stay there for living. City with their crowded thing is more me because I like to see lots of faces… faces of stranger. I have born in this country, but my nationality feeling to this country, time and time decreases. Till in the final time I really want to leave it and stay in another country where maybe I can find a new me. Find something new, try a new life, life that maybe even better than what I’ve had.

(iern)