This week will still there is work in the night; it’s just like another past weeks. Work all night, headache, call 1 people to another people to make coordination and don’t sleep at all. Yeahh... that is the risk to work with machine, wait people sleep so your machine will be empty from the traffic and you start your work.
This week I don’t know, will I getting sick again is just like the last week. Stayed on bed, had fever, felt bitter in my tongue, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat. Ahhh… so sad, even someone that I care about is just never care about me although I had that sickness.
This weekend will be alone again; it’s just like another past weekends. There is no date, there is no boyfriend. He is disappearing, I have no idea where is he going… what is he doing… why is he disappearing… from me. The only reason, he found a woman that can give him what he always called a good life including a good c*m. what the f**k.
Yesterday, I tried to call him, someone that I save his number with “my baby”. No one pickup my phone, it was just like the other past days. And he never called me back same with those last couple days.
Yesterday, I tried to say hi over YM to this id, the only one id that I put it in “babe” group. I got the answer “busy, talk to you later”, it was just like usually. And the fact is he never talks to me later.
So I’m tired… I’m tired to always think about him, to always care, to always be lovely, to always loyal while he never even try to do the same thing to me. I think that isn’t a thing that we can call as relationship. So maybe I’ll just silent, no need to think, no need to always care, no need too lovely, no need to sit down in the home just to prove I’m a loyal person. I’ll be a passive one.
This Saturday I had my afternoon tea. It was just like the past weekends ordinary activities. Sat down in the corner of this coffee shop, I had my laptop, I had my book, I had my mobile phone but I didn’t know why I felt so lonely. I reached my mobile phone and called the only person that maybe could give me smile. She picked up the phone… “Mom” I said. “Hey, are you alright sweetie? Why your voice heard ugly?” nah I smiled already. Another question come “How’s your boy friend? Why you alone in the weekend? Don’t you go out with him?…..” and another bla bla bla hehe. I said “he is fine, just bit busy. But it’s good so I can have lots of time to talk with you”. And there I was, talked to my mom about world, about man, about cook, about work, about the price of BBM, until about demonstration. Ohhh goodness mom, you are the only one….
Then I opened my laptop, opened some Japan cities pictures. Ahh... Japan, when I can face you. When I feel so sad like now, I really want to see you. See the Sakura, see the Fuji, see your temple, see your culture, see your people. But just seems like work still so crazy and I can’t leave the office now days. Just wait for me I’ll say hi to you next time.
Today is Sunday… with my small bag; I’m going to the airport. Leave this city to another city in the east for only 1 day. One of my good friends is getting married. Ohh God, Sometimes we just never realize that time is ticking. I still remember my last birthday; I went to Hongkong because I just didn’t want to celebrate it. And now it’s already half way to face my birthday again and face that my age will count again. Yeahh… time, what can I say. Sometimes it makes us grow up and grow up. And it is always be a witness in each single thing happens to us.
Travelling in one day, then I’ll face this city again. Face this shit feeling again. Face this next hard week again. And still can’t face your face again. Hmm.. my hard month is still on going.
(iErN)
