Shower

Nodes of water sprayed
To wet this long hair
There are some nodes there
In my small body
Place where I inject me
To enter ecstasy

Rub it…
Its still there
Polish it…
Again its still there

I wanna stop it
Maybe this water can take it away
To give refresh
Or this knife can cut it
To bring back my story
And leave this life
That full with sorry

(-IeRn-)

Striptease Dancer (Mixed Grammar)

I do striptease, not for hobby but for money. Two small kids need to be taken care. Everybody looks at me like shit, but who cares because they can’t give me cash to eat.

Proposed to a company just made my money empty for stamps or papers. So I went to this club to search something that maybe I even can’t call it a job.I’m shy… I’m rude… but I still don’t want end up my life. Again because this two small kids need to be taken care.

They don’t know what exactly their mommy doing for money, but some of their friends said their mommy is a bitch.

“Mom, what is a bitch means?” 7 years old boy asked me. I looked at him, he is the one that can make me live till know, gives me a strong power to defeat what other people jerk talking about me. I gave him smile “That is rude word that you should not use anymore”. And he never ask again about that word.

12 a.m, in the job… Those mans waiting for me, they are just allowed to see. And here I’m show them my private body, again for money. 2 hours dance, 2 hours see those drunken people, 2 hours smell those cigarette smoke, still i have to show my naughty smile in my mouth.

2 a.m, walking home… I feel this shit now so heavy, 2 years after they found my husband dead body and I don’t have anything to support me. Sky night looks so clear, moon that sometimes cover by cloud, blinking stars are just like disco light but with symphony and this green trees now looks grey because of small light. I walk home alone. No one knows how heavy this load, no one knows how sick this heart, no one knows and no one knows. Because they just know I’m a striptease dancer, I’m a woman that shows my naked body to get money.

(-IeRn-)

Doubt in a Perfect Man’s Life

I’m a man, 37 years old, will be 38 soon and single. Everybody said I’m lucky person, handsome and successful. Another mans jealous on me because I have lots of women around. Women adore me because of my money.

Visit this city I felt busy. There were 6 interesting women that I found in internet need to be clarified. So I decided, dinner.. lunch.. coffee.. dinner.. lunch.. coffee then home, backed to my shit work overseas that has given me all of this.

Another week, I backed again to this city. Choosed 1 from 6 interesting women that I met to accompany. I knew she felt in love with me already, no need to ask how good I’m to play with women feeling. But me… just taste… no commitment would be more tasty.

Brought her on the flight 1,5 hours to the east outside this city. We were happy. Beach along the day, good restaurant for dinner, wild bar and nightclub in the midnight, drunk together then some actions that made all the day activities felt complete. This woman was amazing but still I didn’t have feeling.

Spent afternoon in the coffee shop that had beach view alone cause amazing woman busy with saloon, another man came to me.

“Hi man, how you doing” beer in his hand.

“Great here” I looked at him for a moment.

“Great place ha, I always go here at least every year in my vacation” he looked to the beach with his blue eyes.

I gave him smile, he took a chair and sat down beside me enjoy perfect afternoon in the perfect place.

“So every year going here, wow must be so enjoy the place” I openned man conversation.

“Yah what can I say, I love this place and felt in love to a woman from here since last 2 years. How about you man, women around?”.

I looked to the beach, tried to remember when the last time love came to my heart.

“yah, just women…”. He knew the meaning and we laughed together.

Backed again to this city, put amazing woman to her home…I enjoyed silent night in the perfect balcony. Thinking about love, shit thing that I never thought since forever. I loved my ex-wife but still she divorced me. So “what is love?” Or another complex question “is it can make me happy?”. Long time on thinking and still I found nothing. I remembered the man on the island, talking about his lover with full of motion. Am I still called lucky if I don’t have any love in my heart? “Its beautiful feeling man, some times it can make you cry because of it and you'll never realize that it feels good” the island man said bullshit. But yah… cry sometimes makes heart touchfull and I didn’t remember when was the last time.

Next day with 5 hours flight, I left this city, went to a place that I could call home although never spent time along. There was doubt there…in my heart. Searched the meaning of my life that now looked more complicated. I feltl tired, traveling… new drink… new women… is it end journey of my life? Is it time for me to wake up, go with normal life likes the other? Is it too late for me to have it, a lovely wife that love me truly and I love her too, kids that play around in our field, small house with lake or beach view, green garden where we can barbeque together? Is it too late for me to have thing that i can called a happy small family?

(Wake up Man, realize that time ticking so fast, -IeRn-)

When Love and Hate Look so Close (Mixed Grammar)

This night is full with shit. Toilet… found a lot throw up woman inside. Bar… everybody drunk and dancing without art. I feel my head so heavy, 3 glasses drink that were choosed by these stranger man now give the impact. My feet are no power and my body just feels hot. This loud Music suddenly is like so far away now.

Wake up, my eyes feel so hard to be opened. My head still heavy… Stranger man lies on bed beside me. I open my bed cover and now find my naked body. Panic… “Somebody help I’ve been raped” my heart scream.

Running in the middle of rain late of night, I feel don’t care. This wet body reaching street, find anything to bring it to the place that can called home.

Another night, same night club… same crowded. My eyes catch a shadow that haunted me along few days. Stranger man sits down there…enjoy his drink with his perfect face. Approach to him I say hi. “I woke up last day and you already gone” his inspiring smile shown up. “That because you do me without permission” still with no high tone. “Oh babe…..” loud music defeats his word. I don’t ask what.

My body and his moving… this dance floor is like our own. We closed, his hand grabs me, I enjoy. We are animal, there…in the middle of drunken people, his lips touch mine.

This lift feels so slow to take us to the 32nd floor. “Last day was your mistake, you should pay this now” i look tight in to his eyes. “Damn... why this lift walk so slow” his eyes look me back.

In the corner side of 32nd floor, naked horny man tied tight in the bed. I fix my dress. “What you doing, why u wearing your dress...”. I walk to him “I’m disgust with you. Now enjoy your naked cold room..” I set the A/C on 18 degrees. “What are you doing?” stranger man starting panic. “Don’t worry babe, your maid will find your naked body tomorrow. This is lesson number 1 to be a gentleman”. I give him my last big smile and leave 32nd floor with big won.

Another night, same night club… same crowded. Stranger man walks in to me, a rose in his hand. “I love you”. I receive the rose and close it to my nose “mmm… smell like shit”. He laughs. “I hate you”. He still laughs. There… we are human, in the middle of drunken people we talking each other, try to defeat this loud music search meaning of each other.

Another night, same night club… same crowded. I and stranger man come together, our hand holding each other. Now, love and hate looks so close.

(-IeRn-)

Betrayal is a part of Love (Mixed Grammar)

“He loves me” she tells us her love stories like as always. I force smile in my lips. “Have you ever kissing with a blonde man? Well its so wow...”. I’m still silent, the other 3 women do the same thing. “Congratulation yah, finally you find your soul mate” once of us breaking the ice. She is there with big smile, show to us how proud she is.

Middle night, I close my eyes...imagine the blonde man. Compare, is his kissed with her better than what he had with me. He never said he loves me, just always said he wants me. And it’s enough cause feel him is my priority…

“Hey, we’ll go to New Zealand for vacation this week” she opens the lunch conversation. “God... I’m so exciting. I know this man so in love with me”. Me and the other 3 women reply with smile just like usually.

Middle night, lying down on bed… remember what this blonde man said. “Please meet up tomorrow, will going to NZ for a week. I’ll miss you. Usual place, time will inform you soon”. I close my eyes, his face showing. Damn, this is not love.

Thursday night… usual place… I have meeting. Blonde man shows up after 15 minutes waiting with boring. No smile in my lips, I look at him. Never protest why he late as always. “Give me your smile baby, it will help”. I still there, look at him… don’t understand. He reaches me, hold me tight. “I so want you and I know you want me too, so stop thinking and lets start”. He kisses me wild and I kiss him back. He undresses me… I grab his ass.

Naked… usual place… Blonde man is sleeping. I open my eyes. “You can stay, she’ll not come today for preparing trip tomorrow afternoon” remember what he said. Get up from the bed, I go to bath room. Warm water touch my body, I feel free.

2 a.m, out from usual place… find fresh air in outside… Taxi send me to where I belong accompanied by love song that play along.

Late middle night… this eyes still can’t be closed. Shit, why his face imagined always... This is not love…… “I do love her babe, but betrayal is part of love. That makes this love to her be more colorful” his saying heard in my ear. God please… please… don’t punish me with feeling love to this shit man.

(-IeRn-)

Is it love or just damn fucking desire? (Mixed Grammar)

Morning looks beautiful, sun shining never shamed. I look to this mirror, see this naked body that looks phenomenal and these wet hairs that still make it sexier. One message come “waiting you, wanna swim together?” This mouth move making little bit smile that always seem interesting. Move my finger and dial some word on my mobile “see you there”.

Wearing my dress, sunglasses and still let this wet hair down, I lock my room door and on the way to the place where a guy that sent me a message stay for a while.

I found him there enjoys the sun, wanna make his white skin becoming little bit dark.
One kiss landing in the corner of my lips... “You look beautiful”. Damn, this man always make me can’t run away. I lie down in his beside, try to make this small body feel comfortable with feeling his skin. There.. In one swimming chair, our skin touches, our mouth laughing by discussing stupid thing. I feel touched..

He asks me to his room and I just follow.. Sitting down in the corner of bed, feeling closed. I get up, walking to the window and look at down, swimming pool look far away now.. He reaches me from the back, I don’t know what to do. He starting kisses me in every place of my face, I’m in the middle of feeling. His tongue touch my lips try to get in to reach mine, I feel desire but still say “no, I don’t want”. He still there “I don’t want you to kiss me, just let me kiss you”. Now his tongue reaches mine, I’m on fire…

Lying on his bed, he fixes my skirt.. “Tired and sleepy?” I still silent, thinking what just happened. “Lets shower, make our body clean then sleep for a while..”
We don’t take shower together, he first.. then me. 1 message coming, not mine but his.. “Seem like we can’t sleep, I should go for friend”. I don’t ask, I don’t need explanation which friend or whom..Just make my self ready.

Sitting down in the corner of coffee shop, no book... just this cappuccino and this sun glasses that cover my wet eyes. I see the sunny street from this huge window glass café, and I just find him and me kissing. I close my eyes and open it again and now I just see him and me sweating. Fuck, who am I?

(-IeRn-)

True love never ask why (Mixed Grammar)

“Taxi..!!” no one stop. Friday afternoon when taxi start becoming a ghost and damn small rain start comes, from the border of the street I look at back to the lobby and I still see him. Skinny man with jeans and shirt looks at me back, I throw my face…far away searching something that I don’t know what is that. 1 taxi come, the one that I don’t like but who cares I take it, since half an hour waiting and found nothing. I look at to the skinny man again from my taxi window and he looks at me still also, till road make a distance for us without bye.

Two weeks after that, here I’m in the lobby waiting somebody picks me up. Blue taxi coming and skinny man open the taxi door. “Are you ready?” I give him smile and cheek kiss to say hi. Our taxi goes to the crowded street, fight with another.

He is a talker and so do I…4 hours in this restaurant seem like 4 minutes. We still laugh when the waiter kick our ass out from her restaurant. Midnight, perfect moon in the sky with blinking star, 1 man and 1 woman walking in the silent street far away from crowed... no holding hand, no kissing, no touching, just enjoy perfect night that seems amazing found in this crowded city.

One month later, here we are… standing up face to face, still no holding hand, no kissing, no touching. He looks at me and I look at him back. He tries to search something in these eyes, I don’t know what is that… The wind blows his light brown hair, he is tall and I feel small. “I love you” there without holding hand, without kissing, without touching. I still look at him, try to search the meaning. Moment passes, I don’t know how long this silent ness takes time away. He looks at me tight, his eyes found something. “Tomorrow I’ll back to my country, but still wish I can move here to see your smile as always” he said and my smile appear after dead face along 15 minutes. “Good luck with your man” now he smiling. “He doesn’t love me” I look to his eyes again. “He’ll love you someday, nobody that not love you…”. Again silent come.
“So starting cold?” I nod my head. “Let me take you home ya?” I nod my head again try to hide this tear that just wait a second to drop. I throw him for stupid love to stupid man that I will never get. But love never ask why, when it comes it just come without reason.

(-IeRn-)

Is Virgin Woman in an Old Fashion? (Mixed Grammar)

“Your home’s street is a messed, my car can’t go inside”. 10 minutes silent. “Let’s change direction and stay in my place”. No answer. He looks at me, repeat his question and I said Yes.

His place is medium, nice furniture but bad view. I sitting down in the couch, put my big bag on the floor. He sits down beside me, put his feet on the table talking about stupid war that I even don’t know what the hell that is. I put my feet on his thigh, just to make it comfortable. He blows it and again I feel comfortable. Tik…tik… clock in the main room make quiet midnight becomes more colorful.

Shower, I cover my hair…don’t want to make it wet. Dry my body with this towel and wear this black underwear that makes my butt look perfect. Walking in the soft light of room, I find him on bed reading something. This A/C make my middle naked body cold, slowly I take my bed part and hiding inside the bed cover, trying to search warm.

Silent in the soft light room still, I’m busy with my thinking and he is busy with his reading. My hand touches my breast, not to turn me on but just want to hide something. He closes his reading, my heart jumping. Look at me from his naughty eyes, his smile appear, showing his handsome face that I always admire.

We are touching…We are kissing then his hand grabs something… Like big stone hit my head, ton of light wake me up. I stop him… “I’m virgin”.

Lying naked together in bed… I feel far away from him. My eyes and his are still open, but still silent take the time. “I even don’t know why I coming here tonight and middle naked on your bed… I’m just not ready… I’m sorry”. His hand blows my hair, soft…God I miss it. “Lets sleep” he hold me, make my fast heart beat slow down.

My own room really morning, I put my big bag on the floor. Smile appears in my lips since last night. Open my laptop, 1 un subject email find, received 10 minutes ago. My eyes bright see the sender name. I click it and find the message “I’m sorry, I don’t need Old Fashion woman”.

My smile gone, my bright eyes disappear. Is there time still so I can tell him? Now I’m ready...

(-IeRn-)

Little Girls Dream

See them…
Poor smile in the corner
Blowing nose on the face
Mire on their dirty hand
No sandal, no shoes
But they walk
No cap, no umbrella
And they still walk

They just have hope there
Someday they can spell it
A b c d…
Or they can count it
One two three…
Or just somebody can call them
And say hi student

(-IeRn-)

Friend

Do you know my name?
Yes, I do
Could you hold my hand?
Yes, I could
Would you throw this pain?
Yes, I would

Can’t imagine time brought you here
To close this hole
Correct time made you in front of my door
To open this dark

You the one that always there when I need you
Just to bring little bit this smile appear in my lips
Or maybe give little bit sun in my dark heart
You there..
When all bodies starting gone

(-IeRn-)

Stuck

Time just like that
Walking... passing... counting...
Hope never gives up
Hanging up as always
Trying to be reached
Then brake down

This leg walking don't want to be stopped
Pass through from place to place
This eyes open don't want to be closed
Watching from day till night

It will never end
Again it’s stuck up there
Just waiting…
Until colors back again

(-IeRn-)